Ok, so it’s been a while and a rough year… I’ve taken a step back from the inter web because, well, sometimes we need to in order to maintain sanity. But what is sanity, really? Are any of us truly sane? I doubt it. I’ve never staked claim on sanity, because quite frankly, the world is flat out nuts. Maybe that’s why tonight’s news hit so hard. Or maybe it was how it happened that hurt so deeply.
Goodbye, sweet, dear, amazing Robin. We all know I’m not talking birds here (why would I? Birds are scary as hell!! *a moment of levity*). I’m not sure how many of my readers have been touched by suicide. But I can say any one who has tried to save some one knows the pain of being left behind. Today, we are all left behind by a true genius.
If any one had asked me who my favorite comedian was, without a moments hesitation, I would have said Robin Williams. I grew up watching him, laughing and crying at his roles, opening my heart to his many characters. Chances are, you did,too.
But what is the absolute saddest and heartbreaking reality is that his family and friends have been left behind. I lost a truly dear friend to suicide on August 15th, 2005. Her name was Carolyne Newell. And she was so amazing and she just could not see it in herself. It’s always the amazing people, isn’t it? Our comedians seem to be the most tortured of souls. Yet they make us laugh. And no one knows when some one is in that much pain. And they won’t tell you, part of depression is feeling as though your own feelings are a burden to others.
Sometimes trying to help makes you wonder, when they succeed, if a part of them hated you for trying. But in those cases, you have to ask yourself, didn’t you love enough to try? If you did, then your eyes were open, and you have to take comfort in knowing they knew, they knew you loved them and cared enough to do something that might make them hate you.
And suicide is becoming more and more pervasive in our society. Our free society. Our society of glory and greed. We get so wrapped up in ourselves, we see children, young adults and grown adults being bullied. Maybe it’s because of their sexuality. Maybe it’s because they picked a bad friend who turned on them and thinks harassing, bullying or slandering them is something that gives the former friend control, some sick sense of power or that they are exercising some perverse form of righteous indignation. (I had a former friend call police on me because I wouldn’t believe her over some one I trusted more, imagine that! She even went as far as telling them I was using witchcraft to mentally harm her, at which point, the police quickly walked away from any further complaints).
Some people take things too far. Others don’t see pain in the eyes of the people across from them. Others still are the bully or “mean girl/boy” who think they are some how above some one else’s right to exist (these ones are also the best at playing the victim, go figure). And some fake friends even take joy in the misfortune of others. And I think the hardest thing in life is identifying these people before it’s too late. These toxic, hateful people are everywhere (and they are actually as damaged as those they damage, they just blame every one else and can’t identify this broken part of themselves within).
I also think that sometimes we get so bogged down with our own problems that we fail to see how far gone some one close to us may be. Sometimes, there aren’t any warnings. Some people are amazingly talented at hiding their deepest feelings of dread, hurt and their injured soul. And more and more souls are injured now-a-days.
With that said, with the eyes and heart of one who has lost (along with so many of you who have also been touched by the loss of a loved one, whether by suicide, natural death, succumbing to injuries, or health related death), I ask you do to something today that you probably think of often, but feel corny to act upon. Tell some one, tell every one, that you love them. Tell them they matter. Tell them you care. Don’t take your loved one’s for granted. You never know when one kind word can make some one feel 100 times better.
And maybe there is a co-worker who is a little odd, doesn’t quite fit in, or rubs you the wrong way. Or a kid at school. Or some one who lives in your building. Maybe, a person you see every day on the bus or subway. Smile at them. Smile at yourself. And know, whether it feels like it or not, there is some one who will be willing to listen. And if you aren’t sure, then make a call, or click this link if you feel alone, embarrassed, afraid.
I feel deeply for all those left behind. I feel even more deeply for those who feel alone. You’re not alone. We all get depressed. But the only way to feel alive is to know that the only person who really can change our lives is ourselves. And sometimes, to come to this realization is having just one person willing to listen. We need better suicide awareness information. We need to be kinder. We need to see others as real, live, full fledged people with feelings and a heart that may be breaking and who think that no one can see it.
Call some one. Talk to some one. Hell, talk to me. I’ll listen. So many of us have gone through the ugly duckling phase. Maybe you’re still in it. But you are not alone. And it’s a sad world where we have billions of people and even one of them feels alone. No one should feel that way. No one should feel the world is against them.
That’s about it for tonight. I’m spiritually spent (but don’t worry, I just need time to recharge). But I’m also here, even when I seem to step away. I’m watching. And I’m thinking about all my fellow odd balls who feel like they are alone. I’ve been there. Probably closer than you know. And I am thankful for the true, honest, and absolutely loving and important people I have in my life.
Spread The Love
Ok, so this started out with Remembrance of The Great Robin Williams, but in truth, I never knew him, especially not on a personal level. And as his family asks for peace and respect, it seemed more respectful to address the issue rather one of casualties of depression. Peace to the Williams Family. They are on my mind, as well as in my heart and prayers.